He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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