life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
