I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
