when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
