For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
