are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
