Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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