apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
