Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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