I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
