i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
