It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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