Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
