I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
