Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
