I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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