I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
