I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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