What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
