Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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