Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
