So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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