Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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