dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
