I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
