Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
