just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
