is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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