Pappa wants mamma naked
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
