If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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