my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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