fuck your aforementioned shoe
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
