I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
