Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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