Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
