Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
