i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Randomize
