I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
