apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
