so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
