Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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