chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Bring me that man meat
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
