when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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