I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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