you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
