I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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