Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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