could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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