I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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