1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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