I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
