everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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