I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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