Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
