Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
