True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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