i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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