He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
