So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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