he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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