Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
