She's JV to your varsity
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
