what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
