i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
