Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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