So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
