i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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